A F T E R   T H E   C R E D I T S : T H E   E M P A T H
By Ster Julie

Rating: PG
Codes: S/Mc

Part 1/4

--ooOoo--

"Doctor McCoy? How long have you loved me?"

"What the blue blazes are you talking about, Spock?"

"Doctor. I am a touch telepath. I know."

"Know what?"

"That you love me."

"You don’t know nuthin.'"

"I felt you emotions after the Vians injured you."

"I thought I was dying."

"I saw Gem's face as she touched you."

"You shoulda seen her face when she touched YOU!"

"I have other evidence, Doctor."

"What is this, Spock? A trial? What evidence?"

"Every time I was ill or injured, you would pray as you worked on me. 'Oh, God, don't take him, don't take him. I haven't told him yet.' Told me what, Doctor?"

"Nuthin.'"

"Told me what, Doctor?"

"I love you! Okay? There I said it."

"When did this come about?"

"I knew I loved you after we came back from that mirror universe and I saw how upset you got when I told you your counterpart mind-raped me."

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm so, so sorry. THIS is why I have to meditate every day, EVERY day! I have to do battle daily just to keep the barbarian part of me at the gate. My counterpart WAS me, the me I have the potential to become if I do not keep mastery over my passions."

"I suppose you're gonna ask me to stop loving you."

"You have every right to your feelings, Doctor."

"Do you mind if I say I still loved you, Spock?"

"I do not understand these feelings, but I will defend to the death your right to have them."

"I should have known. You prefer Jim."

"Jim is not my lover. He is my shield brother. Whenever I consider taking a mate, I always think of choosing a female. I am certain that is due to my being bonded to T'Pring."

"That bitch."

"Excuse me, Doctor?"

"Nuthin.' I must thoroughly disgust you."

"You emotion for me does not sicken me. I am honored and truly humbled by your devotion, for I have done nothing to deserve it."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. There's a lot in you to love. There's also a lot in you that drives me crazy."

"I see. I should have realized long ago that you love me. It should have been obvious—the arguments, the bickering, the name-calling. All terms of endearment, no doubt."

"No doubt. . . You didn’t answer my question."

"Which one?"

"Do you mind if I say I still love you?"

"Please allow me time to contemplate an appropriate response."

"Okay. I'll be waiting. /You gorgeous, green-blooded hunk, you./"

---

Part 2/4

A/N: This takes place at the end of the five year mission.

--ooOoo--

"Spock, open this door!"

"Doctor McCoy."

"Well, I see you're all packed."

"The transport is on approach."

"So, were you just gonna run off without saying goodbye?"

"I thought it best."

"Why? Why are you running away?"

"."

"It's is because of me?"

"My decision was based on many factors."

"So, am I reason number one or number ninety-one?"

"Leonard…"

"Oh, so we're back to Leonard now, are we?"

"Leonard, I am going to miss my transport."

"Why can't you wait until we reach Earth, Spock? Why now?"

"I need time to think."

"Well, resigning your commission will give you lots of time for that. What are you running away from, Spock? I thought the Enterprise was your home."

"It was my home only while you and Jim were aboard. All that's changed. Jim has been promoted…"

"And so have you, Spock."

"I do not wish to command. I never have."

"So you've said on numerous occasions."

"It seems, Leonard, that you are the only one who has heard me. But you, too, are leaving."

"I promised Natira that I would see her people disembark on their new world."

"But instead of taking an extended leave you resigned."

"An extended leave would have limited me on the amount of time I could stay with the Febrini, Spock. You know that."

"."

"You're feeling pretty abandoned right now, aren't you? You're being abandoned by those who have professed their love for you."

"What would you have me say, Leonard?"

"At least say goodbye, Spock. It's only decent."

"Farewell, Leonard, my friend. Give my regards to Natira and her people. I wish you all peace and prosperity."

"I still love you, you know."

"At least with you it is obvious."

"Aw, Jim's just mad that you wouldn't support him in his promotion to the admiralty, and that you wouldn't accept your captain's stripe. He wanted to leave the Enterprise in good hands."

"Jim's best destiny is aboard this ship, not behind a desk."

"I know that and you know that, Spock, but Jim's just gonna have to find that out himself."

"At what cost?"

"MISTER SPOCK, REPORT TO THE SHUTTLEBAY."

"There's your transport. You still going?"

"Yes."

"Keep in touch, Spock, or at least keep a good thought for me."

"I shall try, Leonard. Live long and prosper."

"Goodbye."

---

Part 3/4

A/N: This takes place after the fal tor pann.

--ooOoo--

"Doctor McCoy."

"What can I do for you, Sarek?"

"Accompany me to Gol. My son is experiencing some difficulty."

"Certainly, sir. What kind of difficulty?"

"He has not slept in two days. He is not responding to the adepts. He will take neither food nor water."

"Sounds like a breakdown. Let's hurry."

"Spock? It's me, Leonard."

"Leonard? Leonard!"

"I'm here, Spock. You father tells me you're having some difficulties."

"No one loves me here."

"Does that really surprise you, Spock?"

"No one will help me with my emotions. They only tell me not to have them."

"No emotional support, eh? Look, Sarek is making arrangements to take you home."

"Home?"

"Yes, home to your parents' house. All of us are there. The house if full of people who love you."

"You spoiled me, you know, Leonard."

"Me? How did I spoil you?"

"When I was en route to Engineering, I knew that I would not survive after being exposed to all that radiation. I knew that I had a responsibility to my family to preserve my katra for them. When I noticed both you and Scott at the reactor entry, I chose you to bear my katra. I knew your love for me would see me safely home."

"So you’re saying that, if I hadn't told you I loved you and held your katra in me BECAUSE of that love, you would be having an easier time now because you wouldn’t be expecting someone's love?"

"Basically."

"Your father loves you, you know. I suspect he's loved you all your life."

"Sarek?"

"Do you have another father? Of course, Sarek. He told all of Vulcan so at the Fal-Tor-Pan."

"My father? Sarek? That sounds unlikely."

"Callin' me a liar, are you? Yeah, he said, 'My logic is uncertain where my son is concerned.'"

"He said that?"

"He's here now. Why don't you ask him?"

"Father?"

"My son. The adepts have released you to me for the week. Come home with us and rest."

"Father, did you really say, 'My logic is uncertain where my son is concerned'?"

"Of course. It was an honest answer."

"!"

"Sarek, Spock has told me that he is receiving no emotional support here, that they are expecting him to master his emotions as he did before, well, before."

"My son, the adepts have been expecting too much from you. They are trying to force over forty years of training into the space of a few days. It is no wonder that you are having difficulty. You may look like an adult, but due to your memory difficulties we must start at the beginning and allow you to set the pace.

"As for emotional support, I will have your mother oversee your re-education in all other matters. Will that suffice, my son?"

"Thank you, Father. May I still come home?"

"As often as you wish."

"Now?"

"Yes. There are many anxious people at home who wish to see you. Then you will rest as long as you need."

"See, Spock? I told you the house is full of people who love you."

---

Part 4/4

A/N: This takes place after STTFF (After the "Row, Row, Row Your Boat nonsense!)

--ooOoo--

"Here you are, Spock. I've been looking for you."

"Is Jim asleep?"

"Yeah, he's sawing wood so loudly I thought for sure you could hear him from here."

"Sawing wood? I thought you said he was asleep?"

"Snoring, Spock. Jim's snoring."

"Ah. You could have said so outright."

"You've been out here a long time, Spock. Can't you sleep?"

"I have many things on my mind."

"Well, if you share your burden with me, you'll have a lighter load."

"Doctor McCoy, you have said many illogical things during our friendship, but that, as my mother would say, 'Takes the cake.' If I share my burden with you, then we would both be miserable."

'What's making you miserable? . . . Is it Sybok again?"

"Actually, it is something Jim said at the reception. 'I lost a brother once. But I was lucky; I got him back.'"

"You do know that he was referring to you."

"Of course. It's just that . . . I will not be as fortunate. I lost my dear brother once before, when he was exiled. I got him back, but only for the briefest of moments. There is such an emptiness in me now. . ."

"Tell me about Sybok, Spock."

"Sybok came to my family when I was just three years old. I had been abducted and had only been returned to my family when we literally found Sybok on our doorstep. His mother had just died and there was no one else to take care of him. Sarek had not been aware that his first wife had conceived prior to leaving for Gol."

"He must have been shocked."

"Indeed. Eventually he acknowledged Sybok as his son."

"To do otherwise, Spock, would have been illogical!"

"Indeed. Sybok and I were raised as brothers. He had this ability to heal wounded spirits, and he exercised his gift with me. He cured me of my night terrors and other anxieties."

"He was very special to you."

"Indeed. He helped me through some other childhood traumas. I grew very dependant on him.

"That must not have pleased Sarek."

"Indeed not. He and Sybok argued frequently about this. And when Sybok was exiled, I bore not only my own grief but also my father's anger. Sarek was even more determined to make me adhere stringently to the disciplines."

"He wanted to insure that you didn't stray, that you didn't give the authorities any reason to be exiled either. It's a common reaction for any parent. When one child strays, the rest suffer."

"Yes."

"Was Sybok the main reason that you went into space, Spock?"

"It was one reason. I was truly enamored of the stars. I wanted to see what lay beyond the night sky. Father had taken us along on a few diplomatic trips when I was small."

"That was enough to give you the bug."

"'The bug'?"

"Wanderlust. The desire to travel beyond Vulcan."

"Yes."

"I'm sure you also wanted to escape Sarek's iron first."

"Yes."

"Did you ever catch up to Sybok before this?"

"No. I never came close."

"Which made recent events even harder."

"Yes."

"And you mourn your brother now."

"I mourn my brother –again,- Leonard. We were forced to have a memorial service for him when he was exiled."

"That must have been hard."

"Yes."

"How will you mourn Sybok now?"

"We are doing it together now, Leonard. We are sharing stories of Sybok. Our words are calling him to be present among us. . . . Forgive my emotional outburst."

"Oh, Spock, tears are wholly appropriate. May I hold you?"

"Please do, Leonard! Please do."

"I lost a brother once, Spock, but I was lucky enough to carry him when he needed me."

"Oh, Leonard! This is not fair to you. Forgive me for not considering your feelings. You must find this physical contact disconcerting."

"Not at all. I love you and I want to help you in your need. If this is what you need right now, then this is what you'll have. It was my love that drew you to entrust me with your soul, and now I want to ease your spirit."

"Leonard. . . Leonard, I have to share something with you."

"What is it, Spock?"

"I have a memory, a fragment of a memory."

"What is it?"

"It is from the time when you carried my katra."

"You can remember that time?"

"It is the only explanation that is logical. I remember being distressed, looking down at my body as I rested in the Klingon ship. I wasn't floating over my body but rather I was sitting next to myself, studying my face quite intently. I said, "I never thought I'd say this to you, Spock, but it seems I've missed you. And I couldn't bear to lose you again." I know this memory was from the time of my fal-tor-pan because my hair was so long and unruly. My hand was clutching my hand tightly. Then I remember leaning forward and kissing my lips."

"Like this?"

". . . Like that. Leonard, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Forgive me, Spock. You are much too vulnerable right now."

"Leonard, how can you want a relationship with me?"

"We've been over this before, Spock."

"But I need intimacy only every seven years."

"But I know you can be sexually active between Times."

"The two cases you are intimating happened when I was controlled by outside influences."

"You mean, there can be NO physical intimacy between us except every seven YEARS? I NEED the physical! I have been waiting far too many YEARS for the physical!"

"Leonard, I believe that our relationship skipped the physical when you carried my katra. But, there –are-intimacies I can share with you that are far beyond the physical. That is, if you have lost your aversion to mind melds."

"Hey, Spock, I had a really bad experience with melding. Don't expect me to change overnight."

"I am not my mirror self, Leonard. I would never force you into anything."

"One could make the argument that you did just that when you gave me your katra."

"Leonard, I was desperate! . . . Do you really resent carrying my katra?"

"As crazy as you made me back then, I wouldn't have traded that time for the world."

"May I touch your meld points now? I will show you such intimacies far beyond the body."

"Uh sure. When you put it that way, how can a guy refuse. Oh! . . . Oh, Spock. . . Oh, Spock. . . Oh, Spock! . . . Oh! Spock! SPOCK!!"

"Leonard? Are you all right?"

"Oh, Spock!"

"Leonard?"

"I, oh, just give me a minute. I have heard of Vulcan mind sex, but, WOW! . . . Say, why didn't you start the meld like you usually do? Even you looked surprised."

"I wasn't prepared to slip into your mind so easily. But I shouldn't have been surprised. When you carried my katra, Leonard, you imprinted yourself on my very soul. What can be greater than that?"

"Well . . . ."

"There will be a time that I will need the physical expression of our relationship. Will you be there for me?"

"What exactly is our relationship?"

"Have I not made it clear how much you are already a part of me? To invite another into my life as a mate at this point would be illogical. There is no more room in my heart."

"Why, Spock! That's the most romantic thing I have ever heard you say!"

"So then, Leonard-cam. Wilt thou bond with me, one in mind, one in heart, one in soul?"

"Oh, yes, Spock!"

"You understand that this bonding is forever, and that my need for the physical does not match your own."

"Will find a way around it, Spock. Maybe all I need to do is show you the joys of 'the physical'."

"Leonard, I promise to more than compensate your sacrifice every seven years."

"I gotta wait 'til THEN?? Fine. Just promise me that, in between Times, we have a lot of that mind sex or whatever you just showed me. Mind-blowing!"

FIN

M A I N   P A G E